Whilst getting stuck in one of my O.C.D (Obsessive Compulsive) patterns, I stopped and realized something…
With O.C.D you’re on ‘automatic pilot’ – and the pilot is O.C.D. You, like a stunned mullet, sit in the passenger seat doing your repetitive habits – like in a trance – and becoming exhausted – not realizing you can switch from automatic pilot and change the captain. You can decide to change the direction.
When you do, you may become aware of all those nasty thoughts (which were causing the OCD in the first place) sort of dragging behind you… ‘stuck’ in your body/mind field of awareness. What then?
The observer collapses the field. (I think of the Observer Affect)…
Notice… simply ‘notice’ them. Notice how they feel in your body. Noticing something brings ‘light’ to the subject. Light exposes the thing.
Notice it – place all your attention onto it – and soon, just maybe, it will all simply dissolve, and you’ll be free.
I have one of those “popcorn” ceilings out of which many images seem to appear. I made out an image this morning which made me think of the statement above…
A heavenly guard – or angel – sitting at the top of a pinnacle…and a ‘lesser ordained’ figure situated beneath it.
An example of a “popcorn” ceiling.
I pondered the meaning and saw it as a depiction of a heavenly hierarchy. I soon became aware of a spirit of rebellion who wants no part of it.
Not gracefully accepting our place in creation…is the problem!?
I thought…‘realized’… we (the part of us which rebels against authority) don’t want to be ‘subordinate’. And so, there is rebellion. (As above…so below). The War in Heaven plays itself out down here on earth through us.
But, then, I realized…in creation there is “greater” and “lesser” beings….only for the sake of order and interaction. But, ultimately, we are all “God stuff”. We ‘are’ the base stuff that all creation is made out of. So, for the sake of us experiencing creation harmoniously, we need to allow natural order without having our egos bruised for it. We allow our / ‘God’s‘ creation to exist as it needs to, while not placing value judgement on any part of it…great or small.
No value judgment… no bruised ego’s…. just enlightened acceptance of creation, as is.
“Why should I be subordinate?” A spirit of rebellion might think. This is like God’s arm saying…”Why should I be an arm? I should be the head!”
“Who gets to be the head?”
The cells which make up the body…
The cells which make up the arm…
The cells which make up the head.
“Why did ‘those’ cells get to make up the head?” Wondered the cells which make up the arm. Aren’t all parts of the body equally important?
Can a head exist without an arm? A head is only a head because it is on a body. Without a body, what is a head?
…Too much thought. Where were we? Yes, the problem of the “lesser”…
Order of ‘things’.
Accepting your place in creation.
Spirit of rebellion.
Letting yourself be all it can be.
Letting God be all It can be.
Letting Creation be what it is. (Does this mean ‘letting’ the strife be?)
Letting it all come to terms with Itself.
Letting enlightenment of being unravel itself.
Waiting for that one moment of ecstasy when all reveals itself… When understanding…love…and compassion prevail.
Is this our goal?
Ecstatic Joy of Remembrance
Will we get to that, or, will some (souls) remain in darkness/ignorance?
Is this what drives the universe on? This need for (Holy rapture) when all are purified by fire? Will all be made even, or, will some remain with holes, or ‘lack’ in some way? God knows.
Will they? ‘Will’ some remain with lack? Lack of understanding/Lack of ‘realizing’? Will darkness remain like residue for some?
Cycles….
Shifting sands of enlightenment.
Can the ‘enlightened’ be once again made unenlightened, and vice versa? Can this diary entry ever end?
As I end this diary entry on feelings of doubt, confusion, and vulnerability, I suddenly get the impression of a bison/buffalo which instills in me a grounding sense of strength and endurance. Thanks buffalo.
For all the bad behaviours I have exhibited, I know there has been reason. I cannot take back things I have said or done. Must I now be controlled by them? Am I to condemn myself forever?
Lost souls – the self condemned – lost in the thought of their own self-condemnation; fed by bitterness, unforgiveness.
Who must wear “the blame”? The self condemnor – caught in a confusing mix of self-condemnation, and bitter blaming of ‘another’. Where does it end?
When it stops.
When does it stop?
When it has not begun.
It ‘is’ already!
So shall be the plight of the weary traveller. Seeing only the past – and fearing the future.
NOW (won)
I overcame the world, and won.
How?
By being here… Now. Not then, but… now. Now, in the ever present new. The ever creative now.
The morphic wonder of dreams of love. Ever new… Ever creative… Ever wondrous… Now. NOW. NOW. NOW.
In the now, I am new.
No past, no future.
No regret, no fear.
Just now.
I sense my voice of reason, speaking to me from the depths of my soul.
Push through the darkness – you’ll make your way through to the light. The lightness of being … free.
