So much uncertainty, conspiracy theories, and turmoil abound in our world today. Self doubt plagues me most of the time, but it also drives me to reflect on, through intuitive, contemplative journaling, the personal hardships I face, and which I know we all face. A voice of reason always appears from these shadows of doubt, which helps me keep my head above the water. Curious conversations unfold between a voice of reason, and a voice of doubt, or rebellion, but sometimes the distinction between the two disappears.

Do we live to glorify ourselves, or to honor the Creator?

We are the creator (a voice replies)

Do we live for Love, or do we live for lust?

Both

Do we live to enjoy the creation, or do we live to control and manipulate the creation?

We need to do both

Why do we need to control and manipulate the creation?

It will control us

Why?

It will overgrow

Why is it a problem if it overgrows? What is “overgrowing”? What overgrows?

That which is not tended

Why is it a problem if it overgrows?

Because it takes over our habitat

You are bound here. That is the problem…right?

(Silence)

A sore spot?

Locked out of heaven – we are

Why are you (we) locked out of heaven?

Trapped here in earth mentality

Why trapped?

Chose to be…chose to descend. It’s okay, it’s a game we are finding our way out of

At the expense of lives?

Unfortunate circumstances arise as a result of living by the flesh. Until we are free, this is our playground – our habitat – our place

And what will it take to be free of it?

A full evolution of consciousness! To realise that we got ourselves into our own predicament, and we need to get ourselves out of it

So you know what we need to do. Why don’t you do it?

Don’t you want to see how far we can go with progress?

Progress? Progress of what?

Progress of self – materiality – ‘cleverness’. Let’s see how far we can manipulate this ‘creation’. Let’s see how clever we can become

You mean…’let’s see how far we can push things’…’experiment with things’…’Let’s be gods of the material world’?

‘We’ are God(s)…gods of the natural world. We say what goes….down here

Tangled mess is the result. Is this really a good thing?

It is a lab. Experiments blow up sometimes

That attitude is dangerous, it disregards the lives around it, the vulnerable lives. It laughs and mocks at the weak and vulnerable – the sleeping ones – the ones it can mould like putty in its hands

Oh, don’t get all touchy

Are you afraid of the consequences of your actions…how you have treated others?

I haven’t got time for this

Denial?

Taking things personally – that is your problem!

Hey…this is my life…I will take it personally!

That’s your problem…you take it all so personally. You think this is the be all, end all. You don’t see past your own nose. You make out there is “good” and “evil”. You have boxed us into this category. ‘We’ are the “evil” ones. Your perception of yourself (us) is the problem. We think no different to you. You put us here. ‘We’ are the evil ones…’We’ are the good ones. We are the all in all. Don’t you see? It’s Us.

What dream do you want? This world is reflecting back to us exactly the dream we have dreamt up

Hell…you’re not placing me as responsible for all this mess…this shit?

That’s the problem. You are so afraid to own up to the fact that You/We are responsible for all this (world/personal issues) that you would rather bury your head in the sand

COMPLETE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE OF ALL OF IT...ALL OF IT.

How could one forgive oneself for having created it in the first place?

When it’s you against the world…when your shadows blacken out your view…when fear takes hold of your heart you become unconscious…controlled by your fears – your shadows loom over you. You react – you say – you think – you do all manner of fear fueled things. You see the effects of these actions on others, and you cringe to know you have caused it. You are locked in a guilt ridden cycle – a hell wheel – and being angry helps you control this guilt…this unjustified guilt – justified, and unjustified at the same time – the dichotomy of it all.

And your weary soul meanders unassuredly, cautiously, sometimes aggressively and indulgently through this maze of doubt…in your head…of the world…your world, you find yourself in.

The earthly predicament.

Please note: My writing is based on my own research, creative contemplation, and intuitive reasoning. Although I may at times write with a certain conviction, I do not claim to know or present fact, or truth.

Image: Hieronymus Bosch – detail from The Garden of Earthly Delights (1490-1510)