Conscious Traveler Through Conflict.

Conflict insight:

I think I just realized something…

You need to make way for conflict!  This way, when it comes, it doesn’t need to derail you completely.

De ce ne doare, de fapt, sufletul
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Conflict is natural. Seeing it as a natural occurrence in a physical world governed by natural laws is one way to begin–not so much ‘approving’–but, allowing it to be, without condemning self or others for it.

Yes, there is – at times – conflict between me and my mum (whom I love). Am I going to cry over spilled milk for eternity over it? Are we going to remain in darkness for eternity because there was/is conflict in the universe… because of us?

Because of us.

Conflict, because of us?

ShitHell no… ‘God’ created all this… It’s God’s fault! (cries a defiant spirit of strife).

Imagine if this is how we continue to think/feel, when, (and I speculate) the reality may be that ‘we’ are God. See the conflict?

‘I’ imagine God as the great equalizing force in the universe. Like a gauge for homeostasis control – like in the human body. And we, apparently, are made in the image of God.

“ God ”

The Great Equilibrium Force of the Universe (?!)

 

Q. Is God personal?

A. God is a gauge (some assured voice proclaims).

Against what force does God measure? … What indicates equilibrium? What ‘feeling’ – in the universe – does God use to measure whether all is well and in balance? ‘Love’?

‘Balance’

….a gauge for harmony where All parts can work well together.

Harmony                    –                     Conflict

 

Without one, there is no other (?)

Conflict tells us something is not working well.

Thinking too much leads to confusion (if we cannot be bothered thinking further, and stall on a confusion spot).

Maybe we just need to feel our way through the universe. Then, we might get to where we need to be….wherever that is.

[Conclusion]:

Gracefully accepting that there ‘is’ conflict, and it is no thing to be ashamed off, is one way of unbridling ourselves, and becoming free.  (“Free from what”?)… Shut up gremlin!

[Afterthought]:

It’s like I completely can’t get over the fact that there has been conflict. Innocence lost.

I feel so down on myself for having behaved badly, or, I have let others down in their perception of me.

I have let others down in their perception of me!

God, how can you live up to other people’s perceptions/expectations?

Let myself be human… with mistakes!!!!!!!!!

I am human. I have mistakes. I have made mistakes. I will probably continue to make mistakes.

Let myself off the hook!!!

Others need to deal with their own perceptions, and get real about them….

Let others have their perceptions. They too, have their own mistakes to make, to learn and understand. Let them be…too!

Aaahh”…. a sigh of relief.

Don’t plug into others who seem to be upholding a perception or expectation of you. ‘Are’ they? Or, are you imagining that they are?

If you come to terms with your own “mistakes”…. (no, I don’t like that)…. If you can come to terms with the fact that there ‘are’ conflicts – along with perceptions/misperceptions ‘others’ seem to be holding against you (which may only be your own conscience being reflected back to you) – then, maybe you need to settle with (albeit temporarily) all the uncomfortable feelings, sense of remorse and regret.

Should I get angry with mum if I ‘imagine’ she is holding something against me? I ‘can’ do… this would be an honest reaction on my part… a form of self defence strategy. But, be aware that this may only create more conflict, and decide…

‘Do’ I want to go down this path… again?  Or, is it time to neutralize the pain by simply observing and ‘noticing’ it, rather than reacting ‘to’ it?!

CHOICE.

CHOICE.

 

A   Acceptance

that the thing happened

Allowance

for the resulting thoughts and feelings

A  Awareness

make the conscious choice to decide which way you now want to go

Be a conscious traveler through conflict.

 

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O.C.D – On automatic pilot

Whilst getting stuck in one of my O.C.D (Obsessive Compulsive) patterns, I stopped and realized something…

With O.C.D you’re on ‘automatic pilot’ – and the pilot is O.C.D. You, like a stunned mullet, sit in the passenger seat doing your repetitive habits – like in a trance – and becoming exhausted – not realizing you can switch from automatic pilot and change the captain. You can decide to change the direction.

When you do, you may become aware of all those nasty thoughts (which were causing the OCD in the first place) sort of dragging behind you… ‘stuck’ in your body/mind field of awareness. What then?

The observer collapses the field. (I think of the Observer Affect)

Notice… simply ‘notice’ them. Notice how they feel in your body. Noticing something brings ‘light’ to the subject. Light exposes the thing.

Notice it – place all your attention onto it – and soon, just maybe, it will all simply dissolveand you’ll be free.

Amen

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The Closer We Move Towards God, The Stronger Gets The Stronghold of The Flesh

I approach my diary often  in times of great need, in order to work out feelings and emotions which are very difficult to live with. I realise things can and often will seem to get a whole lot worse before they begin to get better. Once we begin to move away from the rules of the flesh, along with its needs and desires, and begin to move closer to God/Source – the spirit of the flesh (the part of us most closely associated/identifying with our earthly bodies, will put up a fight. It will kick and scream; yet, the Way Shower (Jesus Christ/ Yeshua Ben Yoseph) came to show us ‘how’ to overcome this trap.

(Diary entry):

A struggle with bitterness. Do we become ‘more’ bitter the closer we start to move towards God? The flesh knows we are going, so it strengthens its hold on us?
(“Read Revelation (chapter) 12”… I heard a voice say).

Notes from Revelation 12:

And the devil is filled with rage, for he knows he has only a short time left.
The mark of the beast is the beast’s name, or the number which stands for the name… 666.

My response/insight/creative abstract ramblings:

A number is a vibration of units. Number ‘6’ in Chaldean-Hebrew Kabala numerology represents ‘love’…’earthly’ love? I wonder how the number ‘6’ can represent the devil.
(Do the sixes represent ‘earthly’ love on the three levels of body, mind, and spirit? I think about the ‘7’ churches (mentioned in Revelation). The 7th church equals the ‘Crown chakra’….our connection to Source/God? Does the ‘6-6-6’ represent our body/mind/state of soul without our connection to God?

The number (of the beast) stands for a man’s name. My name…‘Tracy’…ie my ‘identity’… my ‘marked’ identity, in the world.

The meaning of a number…

The number stands for a name…the number of the beast.

The 666 is the Body, Mind, and Spirit disconnected from God?

Q. What is the Mark of the beast? That which denotes a separation from God (a voice repeated in my head).

At this point in my diary entry I suddenly swayed off track, recalling a thought I have often pondered: Really, you must wonder… What ‘does’ one do with Eternity?

Getting to know our self…. Full Awareness of What We are. What the hell ‘are’ we? ‘Really’?

I was wondering last night in bed: What ‘is’ life? (Now I remember my strained thoughts as a child, where I would sit and try to imagine ‘nothing’ existing. It seemed impossible). I just ‘am’. We… (‘we’?)… ‘We’ just are! What the hell? Think about it. What – in holy mackerel ‘are’ we? Or rather…What am ‘I’? This answer came: We are just What I Am! Sh#%! Mind blowing.

A lotus flower on a pond – opening and closing – breathing IN…. and OUT…always.
Is there ever a time when we don’t exist? Oh yes…the big ‘sleep’…the ‘shutdown’… the ‘Mall is closed’. We retreat back into our sacks… we become no more. Do we wake ‘again’?

An over abundance of sleep causes a tiny movement, of restlessness, and again we begin to wake up. Holy mackerel. With each new waking – a reaching for a new height – a new level of experience. What the hell… Just enjoy it!

All the shits and its;
All the cribs and crabs;
All the bits and bobs.

This is our mishmash hole of (never-ending?) creative fluctuations, joys, and wonders.
And the big sleeps – in between it all – make it all bearable and surprisingly ‘new’ each time it all begins again.

Do your head in wondering. Do our head in wondering – what this ‘life’ is about.

(The following is a sort of Soul Communication dialogue between myself and….?)

Q. God, what ‘is’ life? (‘Movement by thought equalling heat’!?).

Q. What ‘are’ we? (By-product of ‘movement of thought equalling heat’!?)

Okay… Q. What is ‘God’? (A semi permanent state of fluctuating vibration!?)

Q. What is “fluctuating vibration”? (Any movement of thought through time and space).

Q. What is ‘thought’? (Any dream made real!?)

Q. What is a dream? (Made by a motion of space!?)

Q. What is a motion of (in) space? (You are having one right now!)

Q. What am ‘I’ to have a motion in space? (I am the creative dreamer!)

Q. Where did I come from? (My mother’s womb!)

Q. Who is my mother? (The demiurge of offspring!?)

Q. What is the demiurge of offspring? (The father of life!?)

Q. What is the father of life? (That which is!)

Q. What is ‘that which is’? (Hitherto!)

Can I not be, if I am not ‘Am’ (?)!

Nonsense! Diddle-swash! Makeba! Zoom! Flip-flop freedom hopper. Catch me if you can! Zip!  I’m gone… not there. Trying to catch me is like trying to catch the wind, or, compress electricity. Can you do it? Na!

Only those as little children can enter the kingdom of heaven. (Read that!)

Post thought…

“Oh, there must be some sinister side controller putting these thoughts into my (our) heads”?  That is our trouble. Paranoia. “Something, or someone is controlling us – manipulating us”, we might think. So, we fester in tormented paranoia; we drink the juice of the drink we have concocted for ourselves….which is? I don’t know. You tell me!

The tantrums will pass and we’ll get to know ourselves better…or not.

The Lord your God is One!

…that means ‘I’ am one. You, We, All, are One. One big mind of God – thinking thoughts for it self. Whatever we think, is.

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OCD Insight

rckless_abandon_june2018

What do I mean by ‘reckless abandon’?

I ‘experience’ (I won’t say “suffer” from) OCD symptoms – which, at times can be quite exhausting. Whether foolish or not, I have followed my gut instinct and not heeded my doctors’ advice to go on medication.

It is amazing what the body/spirit will do in order to survive against the odds. There is a way to help yourself – and it is all in the power of your mind…your faith…and your spirit.

The above statement/affirmation came to me this morning as I was being held in the clutches of a repetitive ocd pattern. “Reckless abandon” came across as an option…a creative way to move forward and ‘out’ of the grip of the ocd.

Realizing I am ‘choosing’ to remain trapped in the repetitive pattern – through fear of something terrible happening if I don’t do it – is empowering enough to make me think ‘what exactly am I so afraid of? ‘ 

The other morning another ocd stopper popped into my mind. I reasoned…

Everything that is bound to happen, will happen anyway – regardless of how many times I repeat the pattern.

Cold comfort?

You can also reason…

What has been…has been;

What is…is;

What will be…will be.

If we can relax into the full experience of life, and see it merely as an adventure of the spirit – without judging ourselves or anyone else – maybe we can get by.

One last empowering little OCD affirmation/statement you can say to yourself, which ‘throws a spanner’ in the works of an ocd episode, is…

There is a need (to do the repetitive thing), but, do I comply, or not?

…It may not stop the repetitive habit, but, it certainly causes your brain to realize the possibility of a new way.

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I Cannot Reject Myself Any Longer

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I woke up this morning becoming aware of the OCD patterns I keep falling into, and realised….

Rejecting the “bad feelings” or “bad thoughts”, which cause one to continue with the OCD motions/patterns of repeat until the bad thought or feeling goes away – or at least subsides – may be futile. Perhaps the challenge really is to integrate them into our whole being…rejecting NO aspect of ourselves, in order to find peace, and finally let go of the fear.