Bad behavior….Bad situations…. Bad this or that….. It is very easy to get lost in it all and feel like a helpless victim (or villain) trapped in negative repeating cycles. When it really becomes too much, you need to figure out a solution.
This is what came to me when I was trying to figure out mine…
Understand the strife, the confusion. Bring it to the light of your being/awareness. Don’t take it personally . . . is the trick. We get so hurt , so cut , so confused as to who is wrong, who is right, who deserves to be punished. We get so hurt by the strife.
Why does there need to be strife in the first place? So hurt , so saddened , so heavy in heart, in soul. So burdened and crippled with doubt and foreboding. Why carry all this? Why not just let it go? Because it sticks to us like a putrid smell , a stain. Tainted lives, tainted love .
The absolute sorrow that things went bad in the first place, and from there on spiraled out of control, with each coiling strangling more and more life out of us. And yet, ‘we’ are the dreamers of dreams (thanks Willy Wonka).
Why can’t we just let it be , as it is?!?
Letting…. ‘Allowing’….. doesn’t have to mean ‘supporting’, or agreeing with. It can simply mean “allowing” of what is, to be.
Conflict is natural. Seeing it as a natural occurrence in a physical world governed by natural laws is one way to begin–not so much ‘approving’–but, allowing it to be, without condemning self or others for it.
Yes, there is – at times – conflict between me and my mum (whom I love). Am I going to cry over spilled milk for eternity over it? Are we going to remain in darkness for eternity because there was/is conflict in the universe… because of us?
Because of us.
Conflict, because of us?
Shit… Hell no… ‘God’ created all this… It’s God’s fault! (cries a defiant spirit of strife).
Imagine if this is how we continue to think/feel, when, (and I speculate) the reality may be that ‘we’ are God. See the conflict?
‘I’ imagine God as the great equalizingforce in the universe. Like a gauge for homeostasis control – like in the human body. And we, apparently, are made in the image of God.
“ God ”
The Great Equilibrium Force of the Universe (?!)
Q. Is God personal?
A. God is a gauge (some assured voice proclaims).
Against what force does God measure? … What indicates equilibrium? What ‘feeling’ – in the universe – does God use to measure whether all is well and in balance? ‘Love’?
‘Balance’
….a gauge for harmony where All parts can work well together.
Harmony – Conflict
Without one, there is no other (?)
Conflict tells us something is not working well.
Thinking too much leads to confusion (if we cannot be bothered thinking further, and stall on a confusion spot).
Maybe we just need to feel our way through the universe. Then, we might get to where we need to be….wherever that is.
[Conclusion]:
Gracefully accepting that there ‘is’ conflict, and it is no thing to be ashamed off, is one way of unbridling ourselves, and becoming free. (“Free from what”?)… Shut up gremlin!
[Afterthought]:
It’s like I completely can’t get over the fact that there has been conflict. Innocence lost.
I feel so down on myself for having behaved badly, or, I have let others down in their perception of me.
I have let others down in their perception of me!
God, how can you live up to other people’s perceptions/expectations?
Let myself be human… with mistakes!!!!!!!!!
I am human. I have mistakes. I have made mistakes. I will probably continue to make mistakes.
Let myself off the hook!!!
Others need to deal with their own perceptions, and get real about them….
Let others have their perceptions. They too, have their own mistakes to make, to learn and understand. Let them be…too!
“Aaahh”…. a sigh of relief.
Don’t plug into others who seem to be upholding a perception or expectation of you. ‘Are’ they? Or, are you imagining that they are?
If you come to terms with your own “mistakes”…. (no, I don’t like that)…. If you can come to terms with the fact that there ‘are’ conflicts – along with perceptions/misperceptions ‘others’ seem to be holding against you (which may only be your own conscience being reflected back to you) – then, maybe you need to settle with (albeit temporarily) all the uncomfortable feelings, sense of remorse and regret.
Should I get angry with mum if I ‘imagine’ she is holding something against me? I ‘can’ do… this would be an honest reaction on my part… a form of self defence strategy. But, be aware that this may only create more conflict, and decide…
‘Do’ I want to go down this path… again? Or, is it time to neutralize the pain by simply observing and ‘noticing’ it, rather than reacting ‘to’ it?!
CHOICE.
CHOICE.
A Acceptance…
that the thing happened
A Allowance…
for the resulting thoughts and feelings
A Awareness…
make the conscious choice to decide which way you now want to go
Whilst getting stuck in one of my O.C.D (Obsessive Compulsive) patterns, I stopped and realized something…
With O.C.D you’re on ‘automatic pilot’ – and the pilot is O.C.D. You, like a stunned mullet, sit in the passenger seat doing your repetitive habits – like in a trance – and becoming exhausted – not realizing you can switch from automatic pilot and change the captain. You can decide to change the direction.
When you do, you may become aware of all those nasty thoughts (which were causing the OCD in the first place) sort of dragging behind you… ‘stuck’ in your body/mind field of awareness. What then?
The observer collapses the field. (I think of the Observer Affect)…
Notice… simply ‘notice’ them. Notice how they feel in your body. Noticing something brings ‘light’ to the subject. Light exposes the thing.
Notice it – place all your attention onto it – and soon, just maybe, it will all simply dissolve, and you’ll be free.
I have one of those “popcorn” ceilings out of which many images seem to appear. I made out an image this morning which made me think of the statement above…
A heavenly guard – or angel – sitting at the top of a pinnacle…and a ‘lesser ordained’ figure situated beneath it.
An example of a “popcorn” ceiling.
I pondered the meaning and saw it as a depiction of a heavenly hierarchy. I soon became aware of a spirit of rebellion who wants no part of it.
Not gracefully accepting our place in creation…is the problem!?
I thought…‘realized’… we (the part of us which rebels against authority) don’t want to be ‘subordinate’. And so, there is rebellion. (As above…so below). The War in Heaven plays itself out down here on earth through us.
But, then, I realized…in creation there is “greater” and “lesser” beings….only for the sake of order and interaction. But, ultimately, we are all “God stuff”. We ‘are’ the base stuff that all creation is made out of. So, for the sake of us experiencing creation harmoniously, we need to allow natural order without having our egos bruised for it. We allow our / ‘God’s‘ creation to exist as it needs to, while not placing value judgement on any part of it…great or small.
No value judgment… no bruised ego’s…. just enlightened acceptance of creation, as is.
“Why should I be subordinate?” A spirit of rebellion might think. This is like God’s arm saying…”Why should I be an arm? I should be the head!”
“Who gets to be the head?”
The cells which make up the body…
The cells which make up the arm…
The cells which make up the head.
“Why did ‘those’ cells get to make up the head?” Wondered the cells which make up the arm. Aren’t all parts of the body equally important?
Can a head exist without an arm? A head is only a head because it is on a body. Without a body, what is a head?
…Too much thought. Where were we? Yes, the problem of the “lesser”…
Order of ‘things’.
Accepting your place in creation.
Spirit of rebellion.
Letting yourself be all it can be.
Letting God be all It can be.
Letting Creation be what it is. (Does this mean ‘letting’ the strife be?)
Letting it all come to terms with Itself.
Letting enlightenment of being unravel itself.
Waiting for that one moment of ecstasy when all reveals itself… When understanding…love…and compassion prevail.
Is this our goal?
Ecstatic Joy of Remembrance
Will we get to that, or, will some (souls) remain in darkness/ignorance?
Is this what drives the universe on? This need for (Holy rapture) when all are purified by fire? Will all be made even, or, will some remain with holes, or ‘lack’ in some way? God knows.
Will they? ‘Will’ some remain with lack? Lack of understanding/Lack of ‘realizing’? Will darkness remain like residue for some?
Cycles….
Shifting sands of enlightenment.
Can the ‘enlightened’ be once again made unenlightened, and vice versa? Can this diary entry ever end?
As I end this diary entry on feelings of doubt, confusion, and vulnerability, I suddenly get the impression of a bison/buffalo which instills in me a grounding sense of strength and endurance. Thanks buffalo.
For all the bad behaviours I have exhibited, I know there has been reason. I cannot take back things I have said or done. Must I now be controlled by them? Am I to condemn myself forever?
Lost souls – the self condemned – lost in the thought of their own self-condemnation; fed by bitterness, unforgiveness.
Who must wear “the blame”? The self condemnor – caught in a confusing mix of self-condemnation, and bitter blaming of ‘another’. Where does it end?
When it stops.
When does it stop?
When it has not begun.
It ‘is’ already!
So shall be the plight of the weary traveller. Seeing only the past – and fearing the future.
NOW (won)
I overcame the world, and won.
How?
By being here… Now. Not then, but… now. Now, in the ever present new. The ever creative now.
The morphic wonder of dreams of love. Ever new… Ever creative… Ever wondrous… Now. NOW. NOW. NOW.
In the now, I am new.
No past, no future.
No regret, no fear.
Just now.
I sense my voice of reason, speaking to me from the depths of my soul.
Push through the darkness – you’ll make your way through to the light. The lightness of being … free.
I am the awareness (an aspect of) God Almighty, trapped within a corporal beam of light.
I woke this morning with the above insight, but went on to realize – alternatively – that, rather than being “trapped” in light, I/We are trapped within/by a thought God is having about Himself/Itself! “I/We” being ‘aspects’ of God’s own Awareness.
By corporal beam of light, I mean: light as being a created “thing” in which our awareness is trapped in/associating itself with. “Light”…”Sol”… our “Soul” is the light our awareness (i.e. our individualized portion of the Creators’ own Awareness) is trapped in.
Thought creates bursts of heat/light
Light is the by-product of God thinking thoughts about Himself/Itself
…So, saying we are “trapped” in the light, should/could really say: We (God’s Awareness) are trapped within a ‘thought’ about ourselves… or rather, ‘God’ is trapped within a thought about Himself.
When all thoughts retire;
When they have run their course;
Out will be put the fire;
And into cold retraction…
They shall reverse.
No more thoughts… no more ‘heat’ / ‘light’ / ‘things’ / ‘forms’. A cooling down period where all once matter, will fizzle and retract in onto Itself.
Q. Will ‘Awareness’ be lost?
‘Being’-ness will replace activity. Still… quiet… silent awareness of just ‘being‘. Until, simple ‘being-ness’ becomes over emphasised…over experienced, and restlessnesssets in. Then…
‘Bang’… ‘Pow’… ‘Pop’… ‘Slam’– Wake Up! It’s party time… again!
(Reason enquires)…. If We – as pure, ageless Awareness – have countless millennia/eons, then what is the great rush to work it all out? (I think of the desperate urge to ‘save souls’ as preached by the Church). What great ‘danger’ is there if we don’t ‘realise’ Who and What we are before the worlds/the Mind collapses back into Itself?
Not ‘knowing’… ‘Ignorance’ ?
When we don’t know Who/What we are, we will continue to be subjected to the same old fates and misfortunes – as in all previous existences/incarnations (?!)
Cycles of knowing.
Q. Jesus, ‘why’ is it so important we overcome ourselves/our flesh bodies, along with all its problems?
(This is the answer that came to me)….
You said it before… To realise you are God. Until you realise this your experience of living will be subject to fate. Until you realise this you will not be the spirit of joy, love, and adventure you seek to be. Knowing Who you are Will Set You Free – free to roam and play in this Grand Old Adventure of life. Amen
Thanks J.C.
A creative contemplation of God’s first Word.
(Here I interchange the words Thinker, Observer, *Him, *He, It, to describe ‘God’… the Great Unknown. “He” not meaning male – but, the base aspect of life – neither male nor female).
A thought uttered, becomes a word.
How does Spirit ‘utter’ a thought?
By ‘imagining’.
The restless movement of Mind beginning to wake again after a long nights sleep.
A ‘spark’ of thought creates a small burst of light. This small burst of light – observed by the Great Unknown – gives rise to another thought… ”What was that?”… the Thinker thought,… and yet another small burst of light occurs, until ‘many’ bursts of light form a “thing”. A ‘form’ begins to appear from the small bursts of light grouping together. And, the Thinker responds joyfully by observing the things – and the things become more solid, the more the Observer observes them, and holds them in Its mind.
The Thinker soaks in/absorbs the site that It sees, and vibrations set in, leading to sounds, i.e. reflections of light bouncing off the Observers observations of the things It sees.
All these “things” floating about in the air of the Observer’s Awareness…interact with Him. He sees them, and He responds – ”Ah”, it is Good”.
What causes the ‘utterance’? Or rather, what ‘is’ an utterance?
A response to a thing.
Light 2. Sound
The Observer saw the things being created by the small bursts of light.
What caused the vibrations?
The “things” re-sounding/bouncing off each other (!?)
The first vibrations were caused by the “things” that were created by the first small bursts of light, bouncing off one another.
It must have been a delight to see… to witness. And God knew It Was Good.
Please note: My writing is based on my own research, creative contemplation, and intuitive reasoning. Although I may write with a certain conviction, I do not claim to know or present fact, or truth.
I ‘experience’ (I won’t say “suffer” from) OCD symptoms – which, at times can be quite exhausting. Whether foolish or not, I have followed my gut instinct and not heeded my doctors’ advice to go on medication.
It is amazing what the body/spirit will do in order to survive against the odds. There is a way to help yourself – and it is all in the power of your mind…your faith…and your spirit.
The above statement/affirmation came to me this morning as I was being held in the clutches of a repetitive ocd pattern. “Reckless abandon” came across as an option…a creative way to move forward and ‘out’ of the grip of the ocd.
Realizing I am ‘choosing’ to remain trapped in the repetitive pattern – through fear of something terrible happening if I don’t do it – is empowering enough to make me think ‘what exactly am I so afraid of? ‘
The other morning another ocd stopper popped into my mind. I reasoned…
Everything that is bound to happen, will happen anyway – regardless of how many times I repeat the pattern.
Cold comfort?
You can also reason…
What has been…has been;
What is…is;
What will be…will be.
If we can relax into the full experience of life, and see it merely as an adventure of the spirit – without judging ourselves or anyone else – maybe we can get by.
One last empowering little OCD affirmation/statement you can say to yourself, which ‘throws a spanner’ in the works of an ocd episode, is…
There is a need (to do the repetitive thing), but, do I comply, or not?
…It may not stop the repetitive habit, but, it certainly causes your brain to realize the possibility of a new way.
The challenge, and gift, of the Tesla Metamorphosis practitioner is to judge nothing…extending their loving heart to all…even the most unlovable (in self and others). Here is where a radical shift in consciousness can take place…raising our vibration and causing us to take on a higher frequency, or, state of awareness/consciousness. The lightness of being that can be felt when one chooses to do this is remarkably liberating. This may be a task we all need to do, to enable ourselves to move out of the quandary we have been in for so long.
(In steps a voice of doubt)….
How could I not judge all the bad stuff? How could I forgive, and ‘be’ forgiven for all the wrongs that have been committed? We need to be punished! We don’t deserve the privilege of not being held accountable.
Here might be where we get stuck. If only we could ‘see’ (have a birds eye view) of the cause of things…the natural course of events which lead up to things happening…things said…things done; “Ah, yes”…we might think…”Now I can understand why that happened! It wasn’t ‘because’ of me, it was because of …..” Knowing there is rhyme and reason to things, we wouldn’t need to take things personally; we wouldn’t need to accept the burden of being solely responsible (or making others solely responsible) for all the “bad” stuff. We are not sole perpetrators…we are participants…acting from a natural instinct and drive to do so. Are we going to blame ourselves, or others, for having been unconscious players? When we don’t realise the karmic wheel we are stuck on – the cause and effect nature of the natural world – well, we continue the motions, the “eye for an eye” thing. When we finally see, and realise, this automatic pilot cycle we are stuck on, we can begin to imagine a way out of it; and so glad will be our heart. A great teacher taught us to ‘turn the other cheek’. Being no impractical suggestion, this was a practical ‘instruction’ on how to negate this perpetuating karmic cycle…how to neutralise it affects.
Back to the part about forgiving self; once we realise the cycle we are trapped in, we can slowly (or quickly) begin to develop mercy and compassion for ourselves. Recognizing our own mishaps of judgment and action in others will allow us to begin to have mercy and compassion for ourselves. We will be able to give mercy; and, you know how it goes….what you ‘give’ you shall receive.
(Voice of doubt queries)….Is there punishment in ‘knowing’ these things, but not ‘acting’ on them? (i.e. By continuing to act badly, do we compound our ability to forgive ourselves?)
Just know this is a very tough and stubborn ‘skin’ we are trying to shed…our old habits; and let us not put ourselves down for occasionally slipping up. Instead, know this is a hard task, and expect to occasionally fall backwards. But, let us persevere…let us ‘carry our crosses’, and, keep our heads pointed in the direction we want to go.
Afterthought:
When tempted to become angry (for example), rather than slipping into the whole drama and fiasco of it (and ultimate guilt/karma) reason with yourself – ask: ‘why’ am I feeling angry? Bring awareness to the situation – minus any need to judge it – remembering it is a natural response…an ‘effect’ of a cause…an equal and opposite reaction to a thing. Light on the situation allows you navigate through it. You can decide…”O.k., where ‘do’ I want to go with this? Actually, I don’t ‘want’ to be angry; so, I will let it go”.
A night searching the net for information on biblical rapture, led me to some sites which spoke of times of tribulation – which tended to be more fear inducing than anything else. Within this fear I began to ponder, and search for answers within myself. This diary entry reflects some of my thoughts…
Diary entry: January 12, 2018
Don’t see it as something to fear – see it as a natural progression of events in an un-holy land – a land where we have allowed ourselves to be controlled by fear; doubt; and, uncertainty – rather than by love.
Know it for what it is; i.e. symptoms of a sick world – outcomes of fear-based living; not as a force which has power ‘over’ me/us, but, rather – a thing which exists ‘because’ of us – because of our reasoning and doubt. Can you stop a scab from forming on a wounded knee? Can you stop mucus forming from an infected throat? Horrible ‘symptoms’ are signs the body is cleansing itself. ‘Must’ they come to pass? (we dread). We – who are more than we know – can will ourselves to experience anything we desire – we are the dreamers of dreams – we can ‘change the reel’ of any picture we are viewing. How? By changing it…switching stations! Switch our station to God/Love – and we instantly ‘tune-in’ to that – and will know – and see – only that.
Fear of ‘something else’ harming us, will dissolve. Understanding; love; and compassion will set in, and throw off our old shackles of victim-hood. The ‘genie in the bottle’ really does grant us our wishes; the ‘genie’ of God’s Great Morpheus Wonder, responds to our very wishes and desires. Desire to be at one (atoned), and to know only one – one truth – that there ‘is’ no ‘other’… ultimately. Amen
AFFIRMATION:
If ever faced with something seemingly threatening, which reduces you to fear – know and declare this…
Love Is All I Know – I Know Only Love
AFTERTHOUGHT
‘Everything’ is possible. You will see whatever you are ‘tuned-in’ to. Every conceivable thought exists – as a thing – in a thought form factory – ready to be shipped in a three-dimensional form – once enough human desire and emotion has been mixed into the ingredients. You will (only ever) see what you are tuned-in to; whatever ‘station’ you are tuned into, is the program you are going to see. What does this ‘mean’? E.g. If you are tuned-in to see, or expect, only hatred; grief; anger fueling injustice – then, you will attract/pick up all those types of frequencies/things/situations/people from the environment around you. You will see only these things – if it is only these things you are tuned-in to – or expect – ‘to’ see from life. What do you ‘want’ to see?
Please note: My writing is based on my own research; creative contemplation; and intuitive reasoning. Although I may write with a certain conviction, I do not claim to know or present fact, or truth.
