Push Through the Darkness

For all the bad behaviours I have exhibited, I know there has been reason. I cannot take back things I have said or done. Must I now be controlled by them? Am I to condemn myself forever?

Lost souls – the self condemned – lost in the thought of their own self-condemnation; fed by bitterness, unforgiveness.

Who must wear “the blame”? The self condemnor – caught in a confusing mix of self-condemnation, and bitter blaming of ‘another’. Where does it end?

When it stops.

When does it stop?

When it has not begun.

It ‘is’ already!

So shall be the plight of the weary traveller. Seeing only the past – and fearing the future.

NOW    (won)

I overcame the world, and won.

How?

By being here… Now. Not then, but… nowNow, in the ever present new. The ever creative now.

The morphic wonder of dreams of love. Ever new… Ever creative… Ever wondrous… Now. NOW.   NOW.   NOW.

In the now, I am new.
No past, no future.
No regret, no fear.
Just now.

I sense my voice of reason, speaking to me from the depths of my soul.

Push through the darkness –
you’ll make your way
through to the light.
The lightness of being
… free.

 

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image source

[Main image source]

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The Closer We Move Towards God, The Stronger Gets The Stronghold of The Flesh

I approach my diary often  in times of great need, in order to work out feelings and emotions which are very difficult to live with. I realise things can and often will seem to get a whole lot worse before they begin to get better. Once we begin to move away from the rules of the flesh, along with its needs and desires, and begin to move closer to God/Source – the spirit of the flesh (the part of us most closely associated/identifying with our earthly bodies, will put up a fight. It will kick and scream; yet, the Way Shower (Jesus Christ/ Yeshua Ben Yoseph) came to show us ‘how’ to overcome this trap.

(Diary entry):

A struggle with bitterness. Do we become ‘more’ bitter the closer we start to move towards God? The flesh knows we are going, so it strengthens its hold on us?
(“Read Revelation (chapter) 12”… I heard a voice say).

Notes from Revelation 12:

And the devil is filled with rage, for he knows he has only a short time left.
The mark of the beast is the beast’s name, or the number which stands for the name… 666.

My response/insight/creative abstract ramblings:

A number is a vibration of units. Number ‘6’ in Chaldean-Hebrew Kabala numerology represents ‘love’…’earthly’ love? I wonder how the number ‘6’ can represent the devil.
(Do the sixes represent ‘earthly’ love on the three levels of body, mind, and spirit? I think about the ‘7’ churches (mentioned in Revelation). The 7th church equals the ‘Crown chakra’….our connection to Source/God? Does the ‘6-6-6’ represent our body/mind/state of soul without our connection to God?

The number (of the beast) stands for a man’s name. My name…‘Tracy’…ie my ‘identity’… my ‘marked’ identity, in the world.

The meaning of a number…

The number stands for a name…the number of the beast.

The 666 is the Body, Mind, and Spirit disconnected from God?

Q. What is the Mark of the beast? That which denotes a separation from God (a voice repeated in my head).

At this point in my diary entry I suddenly swayed off track, recalling a thought I have often pondered: Really, you must wonder… What ‘does’ one do with Eternity?

Getting to know our self…. Full Awareness of What We are. What the hell ‘are’ we? ‘Really’?

I was wondering last night in bed: What ‘is’ life? (Now I remember my strained thoughts as a child, where I would sit and try to imagine ‘nothing’ existing. It seemed impossible). I just ‘am’. We… (‘we’?)… ‘We’ just are! What the hell? Think about it. What – in holy mackerel ‘are’ we? Or rather…What am ‘I’? This answer came: We are just What I Am! Sh#%! Mind blowing.

A lotus flower on a pond – opening and closing – breathing IN…. and OUT…always.
Is there ever a time when we don’t exist? Oh yes…the big ‘sleep’…the ‘shutdown’… the ‘Mall is closed’. We retreat back into our sacks… we become no more. Do we wake ‘again’?

An over abundance of sleep causes a tiny movement, of restlessness, and again we begin to wake up. Holy mackerel. With each new waking – a reaching for a new height – a new level of experience. What the hell… Just enjoy it!

All the shits and its;
All the cribs and crabs;
All the bits and bobs.

This is our mishmash hole of (never-ending?) creative fluctuations, joys, and wonders.
And the big sleeps – in between it all – make it all bearable and surprisingly ‘new’ each time it all begins again.

Do your head in wondering. Do our head in wondering – what this ‘life’ is about.

(The following is a sort of Soul Communication dialogue between myself and….?)

Q. God, what ‘is’ life? (‘Movement by thought equalling heat’!?).

Q. What ‘are’ we? (By-product of ‘movement of thought equalling heat’!?)

Okay… Q. What is ‘God’? (A semi permanent state of fluctuating vibration!?)

Q. What is “fluctuating vibration”? (Any movement of thought through time and space).

Q. What is ‘thought’? (Any dream made real!?)

Q. What is a dream? (Made by a motion of space!?)

Q. What is a motion of (in) space? (You are having one right now!)

Q. What am ‘I’ to have a motion in space? (I am the creative dreamer!)

Q. Where did I come from? (My mother’s womb!)

Q. Who is my mother? (The demiurge of offspring!?)

Q. What is the demiurge of offspring? (The father of life!?)

Q. What is the father of life? (That which is!)

Q. What is ‘that which is’? (Hitherto!)

Can I not be, if I am not ‘Am’ (?)!

Nonsense! Diddle-swash! Makeba! Zoom! Flip-flop freedom hopper. Catch me if you can! Zip!  I’m gone… not there. Trying to catch me is like trying to catch the wind, or, compress electricity. Can you do it? Na!

Only those as little children can enter the kingdom of heaven. (Read that!)

Post thought…

“Oh, there must be some sinister side controller putting these thoughts into my (our) heads”?  That is our trouble. Paranoia. “Something, or someone is controlling us – manipulating us”, we might think. So, we fester in tormented paranoia; we drink the juice of the drink we have concocted for ourselves….which is? I don’t know. You tell me!

The tantrums will pass and we’ll get to know ourselves better…or not.

The Lord your God is One!

…that means ‘I’ am one. You, We, All, are One. One big mind of God – thinking thoughts for it self. Whatever we think, is.

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A Voice of Reason and a Spirit of Evil: (a soul communication)

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[Please note: The following is based on my own intuitive insights and investigations. I make no claim to know or present “fact” or “truth”. Please read at your own discretion.]

A diary entry contemplating fear, evil, and our Earthly predicament, turned into a (possible) soul communication between a voice of reason and, a spirit of evil…

Joy of forgiving; no longer needing to hold onto the ‘reason’…the ‘strife’. No longer needing to hold onto…or…finally able to forgive self… through compassion?

“Strife is fun!” (a voice says).  Living in the creation ‘we’ created – playing too long in it – forgetting where we come from, or really belong… Where do I/we really belong? (In the heart of my mother’s bosom?)… Where do we really belong? …Right here: where we have always been (?!)

Is there really disharmony in the universe ‘because’ of us?

Is there really disharmony in the universe because of us?

There is strife and unrest.

Is this strife and unrest ‘bad’ or ’wrong’?

Nothing is wrong. Everything is right as it should be…considering all it has been.

Everything Is Everything It Is. Everything Is what It Is…’is’ … ‘si’  (‘Yes’)… Everything is valid…validated.

Many eyes looking…what are they seeing?

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Image source

What is ‘evil’?

Desire

Desire for what?

Revenge

Revenge for what?

For the mistaken belief that we separated ourselves from our God. The fear of the unknown – unknowable

What unknown?

The unknown within – deep within

Within what?

Your heart, mind and soul

What is my heart, mind, and soul?

God – portion of God – the pro-claimer of your speech – the (magicians) mustard – the life force remedy

What is life force?

(The unbearable lightness of being)

Unbearable?

Cannot be stopped…

Infinity… (voice now being sucked through a vacuum…trailing…echoing…)

(a DEFIANT SPIRIT OF EVIL resumes ‘conversation’…)

Not ‘knowing’…not having the upper hand on this ‘LIFE’ – drives us INSANE. We must know…we must be ‘God’…we must rule. Those fools who proclaim to have a God we cannot see – we are the ones who must … who must …. (voice trails off)

…We have no one else to rely upon. Why should we believe in a God who does not come down to us – who lets us live in this strife – who allows it to be this way? Do you see my dilemma?

William Blake Los Symbol of Poetic Genius Consumed by Flames
Art of William Blake

(VOICE OF REASON)…

You have no faith in something you cannot see. You have no faith in something which allows the world to be as it is…you have no patience for those in the waiting…

…Your creation is a machine with a mind of its own…Your creation of tit-for-tat. Your creation…

‘My’ creation!? ‘God’ created this! (spoken vilely)

You are God.

(SILENT…STUNTED…PERPLEXED)…“I” am God?

You are God… God’s microcosm. You are an infinitely small GIANT – You are a one subdivided WHOLEYou created your reality. Yes, You.

(self questioning now)Why was I so blind?

Blinded by unknowing.

Why didn’t I know? …(getting agitated again)

You forgot.

Why did I forget?

You chose a direction which took you furthest away from the point of your being (soul)… sol.

Why did I do that?

Because you could – you took a chance – you went out to play with the creation you had made – and now, the creation has you captive.

Is that really such a ‘bad’ thing?

It depletes your soul – weakens your connection to your sol. And now you are stuck in PATTERNS OF REPEAT (like OCD)   Weak…Fearful…Afraid.

What will it take to get out of this (mess) state?

Being unafraid – Let yourself ‘play’ in this light – as dark as it seems – let yourself experience ALL it has to offer you – knowing it is a creation of your soul – something you are ‘imagining’ is happening…all the while knowing from where you come and to where you will return.  ‘Where’?  Infinite Love and Awareness. Unafraid…you will unraveluncoil yourself from this “game” of your awareness…and return once again to infinite state of your being. Just Being…bathed in the warm light of knowing – understanding exactly That Which You Are.

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Image found here

Trapped in The Light

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Fallen Angel. [Image source]
An impulse of reason led to an understanding that ‘we’ are (possibly) the “fallen ones” trying to raise ourselves out of our own quandary. This awareness opened up a somewhat abstract dialogue/soul communication of sorts, between a ‘voice of reason’ and a ‘spirit of evil’…

[Disclaimer: The following is based on my own intuitive insights. I do not claim to know or present “fact” or “truth”. Please use your own discretion.]

Soul Communication – October 9, 2017

We are trapped ‘in’ the light…

We are not ‘the’ light.

We are AWARENESS.

We are the “fallen ones”…

I am the fallen one.

I am trapped in the thought I cannot escape.

I am trapped in the thought I cannot escape!

I am trapped in a thought I cannot escape.

What thought are you trapped in? (a voice of reason responds)

The one that I cannot escape.

Too Much
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Can I escape?

I cannot escape.

Why can’t you escape?

Because I’m here trapped in this thought.

Why are you trapped in this thought?

…(silence)

Why are you trapped in this thought?

…(silence still; cannot answer. In this silence was a reasoning…a ‘thoughtful deduction’…which brought about an Awareness)…

Awareness broke the spell.

Awareness breaks the spell.

THIS BLINDING LIGHT…Like a deer frozen in headlights: Frozen – “No Think Zone”…A ‘SPELL’.

AWARENESS BREAKS THE CYCLE.

AWARE THAT WE “ARE” FREE… IS THE FREEING AGENT.

awareness

THE BRIGHT STAR CAPTURED GOD’S AWARENESS….CAUGHT IT…DAZZLED IT… WHAT A BRIGHT, SHINING STAR IT WAS!

WHAT IS THE STAR? …LUCIFER (?) BRIGHT SHINING ONE? WHAT REALLY ‘IS’ A STAR?

A PLACE WHERE A LOT OF HEAT AND ACTIVITY IS GOING ON!

LOTS OF ACTIVITY

WHAT CAUSES THE ACTIVITY?

(OUR SOULS UNITE; TAKE FLIGHT)…HUSTLE BUSTLE CITY CROWD

ALLURING….WE WANT’ TO GET INVOLVED.

FULLY INTEGRATED AND ASSOCIATED WITH THE LIGHT NOW…WE ARE.

MANY MUSTERED TOGETHER…eye of awareness

ONE HELL OF A PARTY! (PUN)!

…(Quiet again)

Ok…what now?

WHEN THE ACTIVITY DIES DOWN… SOULS DISSIPATE…THE FIELD FLATTENS OUT… AGAIN; ‘UNTIL’… SOMEONE DECIDES TO THROW ANOTHER PARTY (!?!)

[End of communication]