Bad behavior….Bad situations…. Bad this or that….. It is very easy to get lost in it all and feel like a helpless victim (or villain) trapped in negative repeating cycles. When it really becomes too much, you need to figure out a solution.
This is what came to me when I was trying to figure out mine…
Understand the strife, the confusion. Bring it to the light of your being/awareness. Don’t take it personally . . . is the trick. We get so hurt , so cut , so confused as to who is wrong, who is right, who deserves to be punished. We get so hurt by the strife.
Why does there need to be strife in the first place? So hurt , so saddened , so heavy in heart, in soul. So burdened and crippled with doubt and foreboding. Why carry all this? Why not just let it go? Because it sticks to us like a putrid smell , a stain. Tainted lives, tainted love .
The absolute sorrow that things went bad in the first place, and from there on spiraled out of control, with each coiling strangling more and more life out of us. And yet, ‘we’ are the dreamers of dreams (thanks Willy Wonka).
Why can’t we just let it be , as it is?!?
Letting…. ‘Allowing’….. doesn’t have to mean ‘supporting’, or agreeing with. It can simply mean “allowing” of what is, to be.
You need to make way for conflict! This way, when it comes, it doesn’t need to derail you completely.
Conflict is natural. Seeing it as a natural occurrence in a physical world governed by natural laws is one way to begin–not so much ‘approving’–but, allowing it to be, without condemning self or others for it.
Yes, there is – at times – conflict between me and my mum (whom I love). Am I going to cry over spilled milk for eternity over it? Are we going to remain in darkness for eternity because there was/is conflict in the universe… because of us?
Because of us.
Conflict, because of us?
Shit… Hell no… ‘God’ created all this… It’s God’s fault! (cries a defiant spirit of strife).
Imagine if this is how we continue to think/feel, when, (and I speculate) the reality may be that ‘we’ are God. See the conflict?
‘I’ imagine God as the great equalizingforce in the universe. Like a gauge for homeostasis control – like in the human body. And we, apparently, are made in the image of God.
“ God ”
The Great Equilibrium Force of the Universe (?!)
Q. Is God personal?
A. God is a gauge (some assured voice proclaims).
Against what force does God measure? … What indicates equilibrium? What ‘feeling’ – in the universe – does God use to measure whether all is well and in balance? ‘Love’?
….a gauge for harmony where All parts can work well together.
Harmony – Conflict
Without one, there is no other (?)
Conflict tells us something is not working well.
Thinking too much leads to confusion (if we cannot be bothered thinking further, and stall on a confusion spot).
Maybe we just need to feel our way through the universe. Then, we might get to where we need to be….wherever that is.
Gracefully accepting that there ‘is’ conflict, and it is no thing to be ashamed off, is one way of unbridling ourselves, and becoming free. (“Free from what”?)… Shut up gremlin!
It’s like I completely can’t get over the fact that there has been conflict. Innocence lost.
I feel so down on myself for having behaved badly, or, I have let others down in their perception of me.
I have let others down in their perception of me!
God, how can you live up to other people’s perceptions/expectations?
Let myself be human… with mistakes!!!!!!!!!
I am human. I have mistakes. I have made mistakes. I will probably continue to make mistakes.
Let myself off the hook!!!
Others need to deal with their own perceptions, and get real about them….
Let others have their perceptions. They too, have their own mistakes to make, to learn and understand. Let them be…too!
“Aaahh”…. a sigh of relief.
Don’t plug into others who seem to be upholding a perception or expectation of you. ‘Are’ they? Or, are you imagining that they are?
If you come to terms with your own “mistakes”…. (no, I don’t like that)…. If you can come to terms with the fact that there ‘are’ conflicts – along with perceptions/misperceptions ‘others’ seem to be holding against you (which may only be your own conscience being reflected back to you) – then, maybe you need to settle with (albeit temporarily) all the uncomfortable feelings, sense of remorse and regret.
Should I get angry with mum if I ‘imagine’ she is holding something against me? I ‘can’ do… this would be an honest reaction on my part… a form of self defence strategy. But, be aware that this may only create more conflict, and decide…
‘Do’ I want to go down this path… again? Or, is it time to neutralize the pain by simply observing and ‘noticing’ it, rather than reacting ‘to’ it?!
that the thing happened
for the resulting thoughts and feelings
make the conscious choice to decide which way you now want to go
I ‘experience’ (I won’t say “suffer” from) OCD symptoms – which, at times can be quite exhausting. Whether foolish or not, I have followed my gut instinct and not heeded my doctors’ advice to go on medication.
It is amazing what the body/spirit will do in order to survive against the odds. There is a way to help yourself – and it is all in the power of your mind…your faith…and your spirit.
The above statement/affirmation came to me this morning as I was being held in the clutches of a repetitive ocd pattern. “Reckless abandon” came across as an option…a creative way to move forward and ‘out’ of the grip of the ocd.
Realizing I am ‘choosing’ to remain trapped in the repetitive pattern – through fear of something terrible happening if I don’t do it – is empowering enough to make me think ‘what exactly am I so afraid of? ‘
The other morning another ocd stopper popped into my mind. I reasoned…
Everything that is bound to happen, will happen anyway – regardless of how many times I repeat the pattern.
You can also reason…
What has been…has been;
What will be…will be.
If we can relax into the full experience of life, and see it merely as an adventure of the spirit – without judging ourselves or anyone else – maybe we can get by.
One last empowering little OCD affirmation/statement you can say to yourself, which ‘throws a spanner’ in the works of an ocd episode, is…
There is a need (to do the repetitive thing), but, do I comply, or not?
…It may not stop the repetitive habit, but, it certainly causes your brain to realize the possibility of a new way.
Strife, it seems, is inevitable. Perhaps the only way to overcome it is to accept it is there…in us. We perpetuate it; we are burdened by it; we disown it in ourselves…(who wants to be the ‘villain’ anyway?!) I, personally, am coming to terms with it within myself. The constant ‘fear led’ angry reactions – which keep me bound in cycles of fear; anger; guilt; and regret – only lead to self-imposed imprisonment, where I/we deny any ‘good’ things coming our way – we don’t deserve them after all!
I am beginning to see a way ‘out’ of this cycle. Through unconditional love and acceptance of all things just as they are. No, I don’t mean being complacent; I mean, judging not; and, purely by accepting that it is this way for a reason; and, we are caught in a cause and effect experience…a ‘tit-for-tat’automatic responsive experience.
Now, when strife arises, I am beginning to stop myself in my tracks, and simply ‘notice’ where I am feeling it in my body, or, ’field of awareness’. I notice it feels low and heavy; I notice where it ‘wants to take me’ – to an angry outburst. Well, I have news for it! I am choosing a new way. By deciding not to ‘react’, and instead, raising my awareness, on purpose, to the area just above my head; the area where my thoughts are ‘closer to God’.
(My voice of reason speaking to me this morning)…
Moving forward in Love is…(might be)…the only way out; out of the strife; the ‘snare’ of the strife.
Acceptance of the strife is the necessary ingredient in relinquishing it (?!) Or…
Acceptance that there ‘is’ strife, is the key! (Yes! That feels better).
Knowing there ‘is’ strife, and understanding that it ‘will’ occasionally pop up; but, when it does, recognizing it for what it is, and shutting down the automatic responses in favour of an all-embracing loving ‘awareness’ of it. Not judging it as ‘good’ or ‘bad’…it ‘is’ what it ‘is’…nothing more, nothing less.
This attitude/response to strife will change the vibrational frequency of your being, giving you a lightness where your heart soon opens up and begins spreading out in all directions – where once you would retract into a hardened ball of fear. This spreading out of your heart ‘wings’ will begin to affect others, who may once have only known one response to strife…that of judging; blame; anger; and shrinking fear. As more bodies pick up this new (‘rediscovered’) frequency (“vibe”), a greater illumination/’lightness’ of being will being to occur.
Practice this! ‘Expect’ to “fall off the bike” every now and then while learning this new ‘thing’, but, get back on the bike, as would a child, and learn how to ride it.
When strife is overtaking you, try this simple exercise…
Acknowledge the feeling, without judging it or yourself; understanding that there is a reason for it. E.g. “Ok, I am feeling anger right now”.
Accept that strife ‘does’ exist, but, I can now ‘choose’ how to respond to it.
Notice ‘where’ in your body, or awareness, you are feeling this. E.g. a trembling gut; quivering hands; pulsing veins; etc.
Now, rather than letting yourself fall into the “same old trap” of strife/anger reactions, simply ‘decide’ not to, and draw your awareness upwards…towards ‘God’…physically standing up straight with your face, and mind, looking ‘up’. This immediately ‘lightens’ you, causing your mind to begin vibrating at the level of crown chakra – a place where God can more easily reach you, because you are choosing to meet Him there.
Sound too simple? Perhaps “raising our vibration/awareness/frequency” is simply a matter of choosing to.
The strife you can forgive in others is the strife you are willing to forgive in yourself.
Re: ‘Lessons to Self’
Everything I write comes from my ownvoice of reason, speaking to me, telling me ‘how it is’. I share this, not because I claim it as any type of “truth”, but, because, as it helps ‘me’ through my own trials, maybe it can help someone else too.