2018 – Acknowledge, and Resolve Opposing Forces

In terms of numerology, 2018 represents an 11/2 year, (2+0+1+8 = 11; 1+1 = 2) and, is also my personal 2 year. This way I feel somewhat in tune with the collective.

For the last few weeks I have been seeing 2’s quite often; and on this New Year’s morning, I began contemplating the two opposing sides of my personality – the “good”, and, the “bad”. I sensed that this year would be a year of resolving this conflict – or, at least coming to terms with it.

Diary entry: January 1, 2018

Two equally important sides – make up one significant whole.

No longer can I reject one, or the other. Both sides must be acknowledged. I cannot run away from my shadow. Why do I have a shadow? Because the illusion of a single, separate form makes it so.

When I am ‘the light’, I have no shadows; but, when I am a ‘separate entity’ – in a ‘body’ – I have a shadow! So, do I be the light, or, do I be the body?

(Enters a voice of reason)… I Am Both!

If I am both – I am neither one, nor the other! If I am ‘All’ of it…I cannot only be one ‘part’ of it.

(Voice of doubt responds) …Okay, the part of me that ‘does’ seem separate – with ‘shadow’ – i.e. my body… (Sentence interrupted by the voice of reason)…

There is only one body! See past the illusion – and you will see Me! (Think of an amoeba). Only One body – trying to work itself through the illusion!

Go in Grace, and wonder… Who I am.

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…An end to separateness! I can live with that!

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‘Sad Miserable Case’

A ‘voice of reason’ giving a hard word to self this morning:

If you are trying to drag God down to your level with your wallowing and whining, think again.

‘Woe is me!’… (You might say)…

‘If God exists, why isn’t he down here with me’?!

Have your hissy fit…

Let off your steam…

God will watch you…waiting…with gentle amusement; wondering when you will ‘stand up straight’ and decide to finally approach Him.

As you decide to move closer to God, your resonant field will begin to match His, and He will become bigger – a ‘growing field of Awareness’. And soon, more’ will be drawn into this field…if they have but a mustard seed of faith, of ‘awareness’ of the: God within.

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Number one represents the “sad, sorry case” we can be.

Melt Strife With Awareness

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As a snake sheds its skin sometimes the old skin can stick around annoyingly before it finally drops off, freeing the snake to go slithering around happily once again. I am not comparing us to snakes but find it a fitting analogy as to how our past hurts/memories can stick around us, making our road to enlightenment seem, at times, impossible. [Memories can also work the other way around, by keeping us trapped in joyful aspects of our pasts; the snare works both ways.]

Contemplation of my own “bad” memories inspired a communication between a ‘voice of reason’ and a ‘spirit of strife’…

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While ‘memories’ might be dealt with, as suggested above, what about ‘current issues’ – or, our reactions to these current issues – which create our ‘future memories’?

Realizing how a spirit of strife, relating to a certain unresolved situation, keeps interfering with my own spiritual growth, I asked myself the following question:

How do I release myself from this strife…how do I release myself?

(Intuitive / ‘voice of reason’ response)…

By stopping the ‘reactions’.

Trapped in strife reactions – like trapped in a machine with no ‘stop’ button in sight – trapped in regret and fear – not knowing ‘how’ it will play out – fearing the worst. The burden of heartache for having gotten into this situation in the first place; grief for the loss of innocence – the open wound which will not heal, coz I keep ripping off the skin.

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Such sadness – such regret – such a snowballing effect – collecting more and more grief as it goes on – ‘STOP’ – melt this ball in the warm light of Awareness

See no evil.

Hear no evil.

(then).. Speak no evil.

Forgive yourself (myself)

Forgive ‘him’/’her’/’them’…’me’

‘For’the mercy I show others, is the mercy I shall receive.

Amen

 

(Closing thought):

Awareness that you are trapped in this vicious cycle is the first step to releasing it. Understanding  the triggers and ‘seeing’ that it is an automatic pattern of repeat…same thing happening over and over again…UNTIL, the driver ‘wakes up’ and notices he (or she) is travelling in a direction he doesn’t really want to go, and chooses a different one.

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