I approach my diary often in times of great need, in order to work out feelings and emotions which are very difficult to live with. I realise things can and often will seem to get a whole lot worse before they begin to get better. Once we begin to move away from the rules of the flesh, along with its needs and desires, and begin to move closer to God/Source – the spirit of the flesh (the part of us most closely associated/identifying with our earthly bodies, will put up a fight. It will kick and scream; yet, the Way Shower (Jesus Christ/ Yeshua Ben Yoseph) came to show us ‘how’ to overcome this trap.
A struggle with bitterness. Do we become ‘more’ bitter the closer we start to move towards God? The flesh knows we are going, so it strengthens its hold on us?
(“Read Revelation (chapter) 12”… I heard a voice say).
Notes from Revelation 12:
And the devil is filled with rage, for he knows he has only a short time left.
The mark of the beast is the beast’s name, or the number which stands for the name… 666.
My response/insight/creative abstract ramblings:
A number is a vibration of units. Number ‘6’ in Chaldean-Hebrew Kabala numerology represents ‘love’…’earthly’ love? I wonder how the number ‘6’ can represent the devil.
(Do the 3 sixes represent ‘earthly’ love on the three levels of body, mind, and spirit? I think about the ‘7’ churches (mentioned in Revelation). The 7th church equals the ‘Crown chakra’….our connection to Source/God? Does the ‘6-6-6’ represent our body/mind/state of soul without our connection to God?
The number (of the beast) stands for a man’s name. My name…‘Tracy’…ie my ‘identity’… my ‘marked’ identity, in the world.
The meaning of a number…
The number stands for a name…the number of the beast.
The 666 is the Body, Mind, and Spirit disconnected from God?
Q. What is the Mark of the beast? That which denotes a separation from God (a voice repeated in my head).
At this point in my diary entry I suddenly swayed off track, recalling a thought I have often pondered: Really, you must wonder… What ‘does’ one do with Eternity?
Getting to know our self…. Full Awareness of What We are. What the hell ‘are’ we? ‘Really’?
I was wondering last night in bed: What ‘is’ life? (Now I remember my strained thoughts as a child, where I would sit and try to imagine ‘nothing’ existing. It seemed impossible). I just ‘am’. We… (‘we’?)… ‘We’ just are! What the hell? Think about it. What – in holy mackerel ‘are’ we? Or rather…What am ‘I’? This answer came: We are just What I Am! Sh#%! Mind blowing.
A lotus flower on a pond – opening and closing – breathing IN…. and OUT…always.
Is there ever a time when we don’t exist? Oh yes…the big ‘sleep’…the ‘shutdown’… the ‘Mall is closed’. We retreat back into our sacks… we become no more. Do we wake ‘again’?
An over abundance of sleep causes a tiny movement, of restlessness, and again we begin to wake up. Holy mackerel. With each new waking – a reaching for a new height – a new level of experience. What the hell… Just enjoy it!
All the shits and its;
All the cribs and crabs;
All the bits and bobs.
This is our mishmash hole of (never-ending?) creative fluctuations, joys, and wonders.
And the big sleeps – in between it all – make it all bearable and surprisingly ‘new’ each time it all begins again.
Do your head in wondering. Do our head in wondering – what this ‘life’ is about.
(The following is a sort of Soul Communication dialogue between myself and….?)
Q. God, what ‘is’ life? (‘Movement by thought equalling heat’!?).
Q. What ‘are’ we? (By-product of ‘movement of thought equalling heat’!?)
Okay… Q. What is ‘God’? (A semi permanent state of fluctuating vibration!?)
Q. What is “fluctuating vibration”? (Any movement of thought through time and space).
Q. What is ‘thought’? (Any dream made real!?)
Q. What is a dream? (Made by a motion of space!?)
Q. What is a motion of (in) space? (You are having one right now!)
Q. What am ‘I’ to have a motion in space? (I am the creative dreamer!)
Q. Where did I come from? (My mother’s womb!)
Q. Who is my mother? (The demiurge of offspring!?)
Q. What is the demiurge of offspring? (The father of life!?)
Q. What is the father of life? (That which is!)
Q. What is ‘that which is’? (Hitherto!)
Can I not be, if I am not ‘Am’ (?)!
Nonsense! Diddle-swash! Makeba! Zoom! Flip-flop freedom hopper. Catch me if you can! Zip! I’m gone… not there. Trying to catch me is like trying to catch the wind, or, compress electricity. Can you do it? Na!
Only those as little children can enter the kingdom of heaven. (Read that!)
“Oh, there must be some sinister side controller putting these thoughts into my (our) heads”? That is our trouble. Paranoia. “Something, or someone is controlling us – manipulating us”, we might think. So, we fester in tormented paranoia; we drink the juice of the drink we have concocted for ourselves….which is? I don’t know. You tell me!
The tantrums will pass and we’ll get to know ourselves better…or not.
The Lord your God is One!
…that means ‘I’ am one. You, We, All, are One. One big mind of God – thinking thoughts for it self. Whatever we think, is.