I ‘experience’ (I won’t say “suffer” from) OCD symptoms – which, at times can be quite exhausting. Whether foolish or not, I have followed my gut instinct and not heeded my doctors’ advice to go on medication.
It is amazing what the body/spirit will do in order to survive against the odds. There is a way to help yourself – and it is all in the power of your mind…your faith…and your spirit.
The above statement/affirmation came to me this morning as I was being held in the clutches of a repetitive ocd pattern. “Reckless abandon” came across as an option…a creative way to move forward and ‘out’ of the grip of the ocd.
Realizing I am ‘choosing’ to remain trapped in the repetitive pattern – through fear of something terrible happening if I don’t do it – is empowering enough to make me think ‘what exactly am I so afraid of? ‘
The other morning another ocd stopper popped into my mind. I reasoned…
Everything that is bound to happen, will happen anyway – regardless of how many times I repeat the pattern.
You can also reason…
What has been…has been;
What will be…will be.
If we can relax into the full experience of life, and see it merely as an adventure of the spirit – without judging ourselves or anyone else – maybe we can get by.
One last empowering little OCD affirmation/statement you can say to yourself, which ‘throws a spanner’ in the works of an ocd episode, is…
There is a need (to do the repetitive thing), but, do I comply, or not?
…It may not stop the repetitive habit, but, it certainly causes your brain to realize the possibility of a new way.
I woke up this morning becoming aware of the OCD patterns I keep falling into, and realised….
Rejecting the “bad feelings” or “bad thoughts”, which cause one to continue with the OCD motions/patterns of repeat until the bad thought or feeling goes away – or at least subsides – may be futile. Perhaps the challenge really is to integrate them into our whole being…rejecting NO aspect of ourselves, in order to find peace, and finally let go of the fear.
The challenge, and gift, of the Tesla Metamorphosis practitioner is to judge nothing…extending their loving heart to all…even the most unlovable (in self and others). Here is where a radical shift in consciousness can take place…raising our vibration and causing us to take on a higher frequency, or, state of awareness/consciousness. The lightness of being that can be felt when one chooses to do this is remarkably liberating. This may be a task we all need to do, to enable ourselves to move out of the quandary we have been in for so long.
(In steps a voice of doubt)….
How could I not judge all the bad stuff? How could I forgive, and ‘be’ forgiven for all the wrongs that have been committed? We need to be punished! We don’t deserve the privilege of not being held accountable.
Here might be where we get stuck. If only we could ‘see’ (have a birds eye view) of the cause of things…the natural course of events which lead up to things happening…things said…things done; “Ah, yes”…we might think…”Now I can understand why that happened! It wasn’t ‘because’ of me, it was because of …..” Knowing there is rhyme and reason to things, we wouldn’t need to take things personally; we wouldn’t need to accept the burden of being solely responsible (or making others solely responsible) for all the “bad” stuff. We are not sole perpetrators…we are participants…acting from a natural instinct and drive to do so. Are we going to blame ourselves, or others, for having been unconscious players? When we don’t realise the karmic wheel we are stuck on – the cause and effect nature of the natural world – well, we continue the motions, the “eye for an eye” thing. When we finally see, and realise, this automatic pilot cycle we are stuck on, we can begin to imagine a way out of it; and so glad will be our heart. A great teacher taught us to ‘turn the other cheek’. Being no impractical suggestion, this was a practical ‘instruction’ on how to negate this perpetuating karmic cycle…how to neutralise it affects.
Back to the part about forgiving self; once we realise the cycle we are trapped in, we can slowly (or quickly) begin to develop mercy and compassion for ourselves. Recognizing our own mishaps of judgment and action in others will allow us to begin to have mercy and compassion for ourselves. We will be able to give mercy; and, you know how it goes….what you ‘give’ you shall receive.
(Voice of doubt queries)….Is there punishment in ‘knowing’ these things, but not ‘acting’ on them? (i.e. By continuing to act badly, do we compound our ability to forgive ourselves?)
Just know this is a very tough and stubborn ‘skin’ we are trying to shed…our old habits; and let us not put ourselves down for occasionally slipping up. Instead, know this is a hard task, and expect to occasionally fall backwards. But, let us persevere…let us ‘carry our crosses’, and, keep our heads pointed in the direction we want to go.
When tempted to become angry (for example), rather than slipping into the whole drama and fiasco of it (and ultimate guilt/karma) reason with yourself – ask: ‘why’ am I feeling angry? Bring awareness to the situation – minus any need to judge it – remembering it is a natural response…an ‘effect’ of a cause…an equal and opposite reaction to a thing. Light on the situation allows you navigate through it. You can decide…”O.k., where ‘do’ I want to go with this? Actually, I don’t ‘want’ to be angry; so, I will let it go”.
A night searching the net for information on biblical rapture, led me to some sites which spoke of times of tribulation – which tended to be more fear inducing than anything else. Within this fear I began to ponder, and search for answers within myself. This diary entry reflects some of my thoughts…
Diary entry: January 12, 2018
Don’t see it as something to fear – see it as a natural progression of events in an un-holy land – a land where we have allowed ourselves to be controlled by fear; doubt; and, uncertainty – rather than by love.
Know it for what it is; i.e. symptoms of a sick world – outcomes of fear-based living; not as a force which has power ‘over’ me/us, but, rather – a thing which exists ‘because’ of us – because of our reasoning and doubt. Can you stop a scab from forming on a wounded knee? Can you stop mucus forming from an infected throat? Horrible ‘symptoms’ are signs the body is cleansing itself. ‘Must’ they come to pass? (we dread). We – who are more than we know – can will ourselves to experience anything we desire – we are the dreamers of dreams – we can ‘change the reel’ of any picture we are viewing. How? By changing it…switching stations! Switch our station to God/Love – and we instantly ‘tune-in’ to that – and will know – and see – only that.
Fear of ‘something else’ harming us, will dissolve. Understanding; love; and compassion will set in, and throw off our old shackles of victim-hood. The ‘genie in the bottle’ really does grant us our wishes; the ‘genie’ of God’s Great Morpheus Wonder, responds to our very wishes and desires. Desire to be at one (atoned), and to know only one – one truth – that there ‘is’ no ‘other’… ultimately. Amen
If ever faced with something seemingly threatening, which reduces you to fear – know and declare this…
Love Is All I Know – I Know Only Love
‘Everything’ is possible. You will see whatever you are ‘tuned-in’ to. Every conceivable thought exists – as a thing – in a thought form factory – ready to be shipped in a three-dimensional form – once enough human desire and emotion has been mixed into the ingredients. You will (only ever) see what you are tuned-in to; whatever ‘station’ you are tuned into, is the program you are going to see. What does this ‘mean’? E.g. If you are tuned-in to see, or expect, only hatred; grief; anger fueling injustice – then, you will attract/pick up all those types of frequencies/things/situations/people from the environment around you. You will see only these things – if it is only these things you are tuned-in to – or expect – ‘to’ see from life. What do you ‘want’ to see?
Please note: My writing is based on my own research; creative contemplation; and intuitive reasoning. Although I may write with a certain conviction, I do not claim to know or present fact, or truth.
In terms of numerology, 2018 represents an 11/2 year, (2+0+1+8 = 11; 1+1 = 2) and, is also my personal 2 year. This way I feel somewhat in tune with the collective.
For the last few weeks I have been seeing 2’s quite often; and on this New Year’s morning, I began contemplating the two opposing sides of my personality – the “good”, and, the “bad”. I sensed that this year would be a year of resolving this conflict – or, at least coming to terms with it.
Diary entry: January 1, 2018
Two equally important sides – make up one significant whole.
No longer can I reject one, or the other. Both sides must be acknowledged. I cannot run away from my shadow. Why do I have a shadow? Because the illusion of a single, separate form makes it so.
When I am ‘the light’, I have no shadows; but, when I am a ‘separate entity’ – in a ‘body’ – I have a shadow! So, do I be the light, or, do I be the body?
(Enters a voice of reason)… I Am Both!
If I am both – I am neither one, nor the other! If I am ‘All’ of it…I cannot only be one ‘part’ of it.
(Voice of doubt responds) …Okay, the part of me that ‘does’ seem separate – with ‘shadow’ – i.e. my body… (Sentence interrupted by the voice of reason)…
There is only one body! See past the illusion – and you will see Me! (Think of an amoeba). Only One body – trying to work itself through the illusion!
As OCD symptoms tried to set in – standing in front of the mirror – I looked myself in the eye, and defiantly pronounced: “Be brave, ancient warrior!” I bundled my fears together and took them with me…bravely into the future.
A diary entry to work out feelings of irritation turned into another relieving insight…
Please note: My writing is based on my own research; creative contemplation’s; and intuitive reasoning. Although I may write with a certain conviction, I do not claim to know or present fact, or truth.
Diary Entry – Saturday DEC 16 2017
For some reason I am feeling agitated. I feel like all the “bad stuff”- bad ‘feelings’- are concentrated. I am feeling like a ‘hypocrite’ for offering Distant ‘Healing’ to others. Why am I feeling this way? (A voice of reason responded)…
Because, I tell you Tracy… not one day will go by when I don’t find a way to show you that I care about your welfare. You drain and moan – all the while ‘knowing’, deep down in your heart, that I really do care. You need to show it to the world. I can’t make you stop this moaning – I can show you the way… to mercy. I show you mercy – I give you mercy –please, give this to others.
I feel, ‘surely’ I am evil, and guilty, for such behavior –such irritable, angry behavior.
You will feel – always – what you feel. (Your experience will always be what you feel it is)
‘Am’ I guilty…guilty for wallowing in the mire? Guilty for indulging in irritable displays of emotion? ‘Why’ do I have such a need to express the irritation? (Voice of reason continues to respond)…
Because you don’t see reason –you only feel emotion –and, your emotions are fueled by fire! Redirect them into positive cause. ‘Give’ and you will receive… The amount you measure out is the amount you will be given back.
I need healing, God. Will I…
You get what you give! (Answered before I could finish the question)
I was going to ask: Will ‘I’ receive healing by helping others in their healing?
Stand up straight – look up and feel the connection with your spirit –with God/Source. Do it on purpose! Lift ‘yourself’ out of the mire! Behold – I AM God.
(ego self begins speculating…’I’ am God!?)
No! Not the ‘ego’ – but, the “essence” – the “conscious awareness” – the consciousness ‘in me’….is “God”. That One Blanket of Truth – that Blanket of ‘Awareness’ which covers/spans the universe…is ‘God’.
My individual self…my ‘body’… is part of that Truth?
It is an ‘expression’ of the activity of that truth –within Itself.
‘Is’ it that ‘Truth’, or ‘God’? Is the ‘expression’ (i.e. the ‘results’ of creative thinking – the “things” created by thought –our bodies included)? Are the “things” of creation, ‘automatons’ (i.e. soulless ‘machines’)? (A voice cuts in)…
Created ‘with’ the Truth – ‘with’ Awareness – but, not sole dwelling places ‘for’ that Truth/God.
Does ‘awareness’/’God’ dwell in ALL things?
‘Sunspots’ (came to mind) –aspects of creation where God no longer dwells; for strife has taken over.
The “things” became trapped in the mechanics of the natural laws of cause and effect. The natural laws of cause and effect keep “things” in motion; while God –who created them – amusingly sits back and watches the automaton circus play itself out. But, God watches attentively – for, God Himself/Herself/Itself, is partly trapped in it –part of God’s Own Awareness is trapped in the dream circus of creation. Sunspots i.e. holes in God’s awareness of Itself* [speculatative thought]
So, expecting ‘God’ to come down and “fix” everything is like waiting for yourselfto come and get ‘yourself’ out of bed. Only you can do this…willingly.
Oh yeah… but, there is this great thing called ‘equilibrium’; i.e. God’s natural barometer of Itself. This will even things out –with or without God’s full Awareness. Is the ultimate goal to find balance/harmony without the need to press themechanical reset button?
By sheer Awareness, and, Understanding, of One’s Self – not caught in traps…’snares’ of guilt…desire…fear etc; but, by sheerknowledge of One’s Self to be the full Expression of Love (?!)
To delight in the expression of ‘loving joy’andfreedom of creation; with fullAwarenessof one’s self.
That, too, would get a bit boring after some eonsof time. Then, would it be back to ‘strife’ and ‘chaos’, and ‘forgetfulness’ of one’s self…’again’; only to eventually rediscover it –in a moment of ecstatic joy –bursting forth – ‘again’– as Infinite Creators of Our Universe (?!)
PS This is why I value journaling so much. I started his diary entry feeling burdened by feelings of agitation – and ended it feeling like I have regained some breathing space. Amen.
Following on from yesterday’s diary entry – as the spirit of strife (and guilt) continued to dig its claws into me – triggered by a sense of remorse for past actions…
Sunday December 17 2017
It ‘happened’. I cannot wallow in the mire for ever. I could if I choose to, though. The strife happened! I cannot change that fact; though, I can change the thoughts surrounding that memory.
Self-condemnation for Eternity?
‘God’…do You want me to condemn myself for ‘eternity’? (Is this ‘God’, asking ‘God’, what ‘God’ would do!?) Or, is it the ‘flesh Being’ condemning itself? God dwells within this, though. God dwells in the flesh Being.
Is God’s Awareness‘trapped’ – ‘deformed’ – ‘distorted’, ‘by’ the flesh Being (i.e. by “us”)?
CanGod’s Awareness ‘be’ distorted? It is‘God’ after all (!?)
> The resonant field of fear is SO STRONG on Earth, that it keeps part of God’s Awareness held/trapped within it (!?)
Am I to be punished for upsetting my mum? (I did so, because ‘she’ upset ‘me’…(ego cries out)!
‘Can’ I forgive myself? ‘Will’ I? Willing – Will ‘I’ forgive ‘me’? Clouds ‘cloud’ my thinking – make it hard to see, and understand. Will it always be this way?
“STRIFE ON FIRE, KEEPS US BOGGED IN THE MIRE”.
Addicted to strife, are we? Addicted to anger? “Why”?
…Allows us to ‘let off steam’! Tension building up stresses us.
“Why” so much ‘tension’?
Anger over our ‘predicament’…angry at someone ELSE for ‘OUR’ predicament?
Anger at someone ‘else’, is this the only ‘way’ we know how to not face “the blame”!??
The ‘blame’ for THE WAY THINGS ARE.
Hell! Who would ‘want’ to take the blame? Kerfuffle! We are in our own Kerfuffle! ‘Surely’ there is a “God” ‘up there’, who is responsible for ALL THIS – who we can ‘blame’!?
Aargh!! (Frustration that WE should finally realize)…“We” are the Creators – the Doers – the Movers – and Shakers! “We” are responsible for it all.
“We” are all the ONE Being, (appearing to be) divided into MANY parts. The Blanket “exploded”- still all pieces of the ONE Blanket!
The Consciousness – the Awareness – the holographic ‘pieces’ – of the One Whole Being…we are! ‘Too’ enthusiastic? Tell me it’s not true. Yes, ‘others’ have said it – I am not making out like ‘I’ am the discoverer of it. I am one of the parts ‘realizing’ it! If one can –all must be able to. Are you ‘tuned in’ to receive it?